There have been a lot of things that I have wanted to blog about over the course of the summer. This is my feeble attempt to remember and blog about all of those thoughts in a very concise manner that will still do justice to the thoughts.
This summer has been spent in total boredom. I know most of you have had your bored spells this summer but let me tell you my daily schedule.
I wake up [at some point between the span of 12:00-2:00... pathetic, i know], i eat lunch, i read a little [which isn't pathetic-- that is the most exciting part of my summer and i am thrilled that i am getting read for pleasure so i am definitely not complaining there...], and i play on the internet. Repeat.
Most of you who are working or doing slightly responsible things this summer are thinking... man, thats the life but in reality... i really just want something more. i am bored. i want to be serving God and bettering myself in some greater capacity. I feel like i am wasting my life and wasting my being. wasting moments where i could be doing some good. instead... i am turning into a lazy blob. that should stop fairly soon though. i am currently at bonclarken. this has been a breath of fresh air. i am staying at lindsay hunt's house [thank you so much] and her willingness to let me stay there has saved my life and sanity [that story to come below]. i am here just spending some much needed me time out of the house. then i will be working in the kitchen being an amazingly amazing and hopefully entertaining cafeteria lady. :0) oh yeah. that is my calling in life! actually- should be quite entertaining. needless to say-- with so much free time i have got to think a lot about my life [since i was lacking one this summer] and think about the BLESSINGS in it that the LORD has made so apparent to me but i have just been too blind and too selfish to see them.
blessing number one:
i worked session one of camp joy. it's really funny how the LORD provides really cool opportunities for me when i planned something different. i really honestly thought that i would not be able to work camp joy at all this summer. for those of you who do not know, camp joy is an amazing part of my life. it has taught me more about life, love and faith than any other experience-- and it's also the reason i am a special education teacher. i was crushed when i found out that i was not going to be able to work camp joy. Low and behold, the LORD and different plans. i am not only working one session like normal, i am working at all three. session one of camp joy was absolutely phenomenal. i was blessed in so many ways. my camper was carmen pruitt-- for those non-joyers that may be reading this: she is in her late 40's, in a motorized wheel chair, is sassy and charming, loves dale earnhart, and his very high-level mentally. not to mention that she favors receiving and producing sarcasm... needless to say we got along great. :) one thing that really stuck out to me about her was her lack of trust for me and mindi [she was the other counselor who helped me. she is another blessing in itself!]. carmen really struggled with that. we were bombarded with questions and statements like:
"where did you put my toothbrush?"
"we gotta pack tonight. we wont have time to do it. we gotta do it. we gotta."
"did you wipe me good?"
"you got me. im scared to fall. [getting in the bath tub] don't let me fall!"
etc. :)
honestly- these got a little frustrating but wow the LORD used her to to teach me something. he said to me "my child, that lack of trust is the same that you show me." honestly, i am sure the LORD does get frustrated with me because of it. i am always saying "where is this?" "do you got me?" "are you sure?" "when is this going to happen?" where is my trust in my savior? he created me... i am pretty sure he can handle the rest! the LORD really started to lay this on my heart mid-week of camp joy. my patience for this lack of trust in carmen began to grow because i could see that same struggle in me that i did in her. and i thought... my LORD doesn't get frustrated. my LORD doesn't mind. my LORD just loves. my LORD is patient. my LORD is kind. my LORD does not leave me. my LORD does not waver. my LORD does not fade. my LORD is everlasting. my LORD is good. :)
not only did i get blessed with an amazing camper- she also had one of the coolest room mates around camp joy-- betsy ann carroway! what a woman of God! betsy ann is the epitome of the fruits of the spirit if i ever saw one-- she overflows with love and grace. wow. every time she would speak to me, hug me, kiss all over my face, or just speak the amazing words of "i love you" in that sweet gentle voice....i felt the LORD. i could see the LORD's spirit and love in her words, in her presence and in her smile. one night me and the other counselors in our room were getting our two ladies ready for bed. we were about to be all settled, say our bed time prayers and give kisses when BA [betsy ann] just started bawling. we didn't know what was going on. we pleaded with her to tell us what is wrong. the thought of such an amazingly beautiful and loving woman being so upset worried us all, even my camper. BA just started talking about how she was ugly and she was fat. she would never get a boyfriend. she would never be "normal." she would never have a good life. she would never get married or have kids. no one loves her... not because she's mean, rude, or what have you-- but because of her appearance. and we all lost it. we were all crying. what a ludicrous thought-- not only is BA one of the most beautiful campers i have ever met- but she is one of the most beautiful people i have ever met in my 22 years of life. she was radiant. i dont know where it came from but the LORD just started to use me.... words and encouragement and love flowed from me. oh, boy it was the LORD because i honestly have no room to talk. it was so interesting listening to BA because it was like listening to myself speak. i always find myself thinking... i am not good enough: i am never going to have a boyfriend, i am never going to get married or have kids... not because i am a bad person-- all because i am ugly and fat. i assured her that she was not alone. she really took comfort in the fact that i was 'normal' and felt like this too. i guess she thought we didn't ever feel insecure in that way. and honestly-- i think some of the counselors think that the campers don't have that emotional baggage and struggles like we do. it was a really cool reminder to both of us that the LORD creates us in his image. i kept reminding her how beautiful she is because she is a child of GOD. and as i reminded her, i reminded myself. [and... i forgot as soon as i got home and became hard on myself-- thank the LORD for his grace, huh?] i am working in the kitchen for session two and will be a counselor at three-- oh man i pray that the LORD continues to work in me.
blessing number two:
as i mentioned in the previous blog, i am going to be moving very soon to summerville, south carolina to become a special education teacher. with that comes the packing, sorting, and tossing process as i prepare to move out for the final time. i am a huge sentimental person. i keep everything. when i was cleaning my room i found every note or card that i had been given by people during my time at erskine. wow-- i had tons! i of course threw most of them away [i mean... i kept cards where people only signed their name...it was ridiculous!] i started reading them all for approximately 3 hours. i was overwhelmed with how much love and encouragement comes from erskine. it really made me miss it. i feel bad ever being bitter during my time there. to the people who are still there-- yes, it can get incredibly frustrating but just take time to reflect upon how many people love and care about you. it inspired me to be more aware of the people around me-- how they feel- where they may be feeling discouraged-- and where i can encourage them in the LOVE OF THE LORD. i have started sending a lot of letters to people just so they know just how much i love and adore them. i don't think i show that enough to my friends. i love and adore you all. i have really started to miss a lot of my close friends and it's been hard realizing that we are all probably never going to be in the same place again.
it makes me smile to think about...
megan's sarcasm and wit.
megan getting inside of my small mustang trunk.
random dance parties with my roomate, shope, to 'sexy can i?"
the craigs list prank with sarah and kate.
homeless ministry with anna. [burgers and iced coffee.]
zach and anna's cookies.
reading old conversations between roberto and i.
valentines day my freshman year. <3
my students at oakland elementary and mrs. adair.
rachel dagenhart and her encouragement. [heck-- ALL the dagenharts and their encouragement and love]
talking like i am ghetto with rachel d. :)
Renee williamson busting in on bible study every single wednesday! [haha]
laura may and her servant heart!
beth winn waking up extra early in mexico to get ready before building a camp cabin.
shawn marler saying "it's old blair!" and "you're blair freaking christie!"
robbie and him in that old greg tutu :)
the thought of community and discussing it with my irresistible revolution girls :)
camp joy!
wedding planning.
shared background experiences and pain... katie! mwah!
Shannon Jefferys and how my voice lessons turned into therapy sessions.
rebekah rowell.... "yall, i feel bad!"
fleetones, chamber, choraleers :)
josh and jamie and their photoshoot they did freshman year on the bear skin rugs
ryan bowles and his funny walk
kristen koch and her perfectly timed encouraging letters.
texting conversations with will smith.
80s movies.
camping out!
barron and her loving, always positive, fun spirit and beautiful smile [and that man who is attached to her hip. he makes me smile too.]
laughing hard. then josh laughing. then i laugh at him. then he laughs at me. then we are done for.
milk dates with the following dear friends: catherine tolbert, elise harbin and laura jones :)
counseling session drives with steven ragan and almost crashing to "love the one you're with."
mean, disturbing comments to/from justin parrish and bob elliot.
covenant presbyterian & the fastneaus
loyal best friends that have stuck around for ever.
growing through best friends that have not stuck around.
robyn agnew, shannon jeffreys, hans engler, nora espinoza, dale smith.... professors/staff who not only invested in my ed. by my life and well being.
greg payne, adam sanders and justin lee.... SHOMIA impressions! :)
teej and phil... 100% brotherly love, support and encouragement.
reid... that sweet sweet heart melting voice.
friends who you can be really honest with: greg, brittany g., megan, anna, jeremy, roberto, renee, katie miller, rachel d, will smith
making pumpkin seeds with anna and eating two pumpkins worth in one night.
building catapolts and going "cowing" freshman year.
jessica skinner and watching how she has grown and matured into an amazing singer- and woman of God.
80's ball.
making funny videos with kate mcdonald.
Jamey D putting a pie in my face during the kissing game.
studying "biology" with zach davis [not really...]
and REALLY studying biology with ashley gray
jordan and her funny voices
being cooked for by amazing roomies [sarah and bek and rach]
amazing erskine ministry interns! hannah :)
meeting new freshman that i can share struggles with and encourage: rach, bek and bek!
you know... i really could go on forever. just...lovin' on people! :)
anyways... those were blessings like 3-50 something. id like to post more. but im sleepy and if you have made it this far-- i congratulate you. you're probably bored too and if this is the case-- call me :) we should hang! I leave on this note- from now on... joy or struggle... i am going to search hard for a blessing it in. BLESSING OR BUST!
if you're reading this...you're also a blessing.
